Your grass needs to be cut. There are weeds threatening to take over your patio. The back splash in the kitchen isn't sticking to the wall properly and your coffee bar has been slightly unfinished for the past six months. Your husband has a list of honey-dos a mile long, and he never seems to get a single thing accomplished around the house.
He isn't lazy. Oh no, he's the antithesis of lazy. He's always busy. He almost never gets a spare minute to himself, let alone to spend with you or the kids.
So, what is he doing with all of his time? He's helping. It's what he does.
Does this sound familiar to you? Well congratulations, sister, you have the privilege of loving a man with a servant's heart. It may not be convenient for anyone in your family, but your husband was blessed with the ability to help those in need. It goes deeper than that though, this man wants to help people. He is at his best when he is doing things for others. God blesses each of us with a gift, and this desire to help happens to be his.
I've gone through many emotions loving and learning to live with this man with a servant's heart. We have fought over unfinished projects and cluttered storage sheds. We've argued about uncut grass and unfixed appliances. I've bickered over ungrateful friends who always lean on him but never return the kindness. I've stewed silently in my own anger over the fact that we had to spend yet another afternoon waiting on daddy to finish doing someone else a favor.
I've been neglected. I've been pushed aside. I've been told that my needs are going to have to wait more times than I like to think about.
But I've also felt pride on a level that I didn't know possible. I've felt love grow bigger than life for unassuming reasons that sometimes make me laugh. I've watched my husband work, and I mean really work, until midnight just to get his lawnmower ready and loaded to go help someone cut grass the next day.
My child and I have been dragged out of bed on Saturdays because my husband has to do something for someone. While we're both sleepy eyed and grumpy, he's just as chipper as a song bird because he thrives on helping people. He's the type of person that will literally give you the shirt off of his back and smile while he's doing it.
He never expects payment or repayment; he usually won't accept if it is offered to him. He doesn't even want it. He is content just to know that he has helped someone in need. Whether it's help with some type of work or help with money, he is just happy to help. He is generous in a way that I find inspiring.
It's sad that I haven't understood that until now. We could have saved ourselves a lot of arguments and hurt feelings had I figured this out earlier.
So why the change of heart? I've spent years concentrating on the parts of my husband that I think need to change. (I think that's a practice that I learned from "How to Ruin your Marriage 101") This desire to help people was close to the top of my list. I just couldn't stand the way that people always took advantage of him. I would always ask him, "would he do the same thing for you?" when G was asked a favor. Regardless of the reply, he would always go do whatever it was that was asked of him. Then one day I realized that the way I was living and thinking wasn't glorifying to God. I prayed that Jesus would come into my heart, my whole heart, that he would look into the darkest, dustiest corners and shine the Light in. After this literal change of heart, I started seeing these selfless acts that my husband was compelled to do as God's Work. He might not have been raised in a bible-thumping, pew-jumping household, but he is more Christ-like than me in so many ways.
He sees a need and he fills it. He shows his love for other human beings by just simply doing what God has called him to do with the abilities that God blessed him with. I always talk about how Christians should do a better job of "walking the walk," but I was overlooking one of the best examples of showing Christ's love through actions that I have ever known. He lives in my house with me and I have the blessing of having him as my partner in raising children.
So, we may spend many afternoons waiting on daddy to get finished doing yet another favor. We may have to walk by our unfinished coffee bar ten times a day while G is out working, but it's okay. I'm happy to do it. I wouldn't dare change a thing.
Philippians 2:3-5
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus...
