thankful in the struggles

Its one o'clock in the morning. I'm awakened by my baby, but this time it's not his cries that stir me it's his voice. The sound of a baby as he tries out his newly found ability to speak. He's saying 'ma-ma.' As I walk towards his bed, my eyes still heavy with sleep, he lets out a squeal of excitement. It's one o'clock in the morning, and all he wants to do is play.

I pick him up and use my best stern, no nonsense voice to explain to him that it's time to sleep not play.  He looks up at me with those big, confused, ocean blue eyes and I can tell he's not going to go back to sleep without a fight. So, I decide to fight it. I'm just so sleepy, and I have to work in the morning. And I'm the parent, so what I say goes. 

We lay down in our bed and I stroke his hair and sing 'Amazing Grace' hoping the song will lull him back to sleep. He lays there patiently until I hit 'a wretch like me' and he starts rolling over to crawl. This isn't going to work, so I decide to rock him and sing my other go to song, 'Go To Sleep Little Baby.' He sits patiently for a couple of verses, but eventually sits up and starts 'talking' to me. I assume he's asking why on Earth I'm trying to get him to go to sleep when he's obviously not sleepy, or maybe that's just what I am asking myself. This cycle continues for another half hour until I finally give up and go play. It's funny how such little people can have such big determination.

We move to the living room, and we both get in the floor. It's now close to 2:00 in the morning and I'm sitting in the floor sending tiny racecars down a little red racetrack. I'm trying my best not to wish for the sleep I'm missing, but it's hard. I'm trying to be grateful for these moments, just me and my boy, but right now all I can think about is the fact that I have to get up in three hours and be all I can be for both my son and the multitude of students that file in and out of my classroom each day.

It's in this moment that I'm most thankful for my baby. It sounds crazy, but it's in the most difficult moments in parenting my healthy, predictable son that I'm most thankful to God for the blessing of being his mother. It's in the struggle that I see how blessed I truly am. Now, I'm not trying to win any awards for being the perfect mother here, I'm just wanting to share my heart. I'm also not in any way saying that it's easier to be thankful for your child when you don't have extraordinary circumstances in raising him. I'm just reflecting on the way God has spoken to me recently.

When all I want to do is sleep but my baby has other plans, I'm thinking of all the mothers who are losing sleep praying for their sick children and hoping that their babies can hold on through one more day. When all I want to do is eat my meal without being interrupted but my baby wants to be held, I'm thinking about all the mothers who never got to hold their angel baby or the mothers who have had to hold their baby knowing that it would be the very last time. When I'm tired in the afternoons after work and all I want is a nap but my sweet boy wants to go outside to play, I'm thinking of all the babies who are stuck in hospital rooms  whose parents would give everything they had to be able to take their healthy child outside to play.

I've had my eyes opened recently. In the past week I've seen a mother to three small children who has been given more hardship than I could ever imagine face the reality that she may lose one of her precious children to cancer, yet she remains graceful and unshakeably faithful. She has been and continues to be a wonderful example for Christian mothers and Christians in general to follow. I've heard the story of a pregnant woman who has been told that the first time she'll get to hold her precious baby will also be the last yet she remains faithful in her walk. I've been introduced to a mother who has had to bury her teenage son after a year long battle with a childhood cancer yet she continues to glorify God, including in her attempts to help other mothers and families cope with the loss of a child. 

It's humbling, really. Here I am dreading that little voice calling 'ma-ma' in the night because I know it means no more sleep while there are so many mothers in this world who would give everything they have to be in my situation right now. My 'struggles' are so trivial in light of everything that is happening in the world around me, yet here I am pitying myself over a couple of lost hours of sleep. 

I'm certain that this is The Holy Spirit speaking directly to me, and I'm listening. I'm humbled. I'm blessed. No matter what circumstances we're given, God is in control. 

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

The weight of our words

When did it become acceptable to say what we think all the time? With the growth of social media and using the written...er, typed?..word, came the uncontrollable urge to voice our opinions to the masses. That attitude has spilled over into our everyday lives too. I've become too open with my opinions lately, so I'm not blame free. I've had my eyes opened recently as to some of the ways our words can affect the people around us, and I've decided to make an effort to be more thoughtful in what I say.

Your words hurt. You may or may not intend for your words hurt someone, but they do. Everyone you meet on a daily basis is carrying a load. Some people carry a light load. Some people carry more that you can imagine. Depending on the personalities of these people, you may know everything that has ever happened to them or you may know absolutely nothing. Social media allows us to voice our opinion to all of these people at once, but oftentimes that is more of a curse than a blessing. While you're only thinking about your close knit group of friends and maybe a few acquaintances, you're actually sharing your thoughts with hundreds, if not thousands, of people. Most of us would be extremely nervous if we had to actually speak in front of a group. Some of us would probably be unable to speak at all, but we're not as timid when it comes to the written word. Sometimes we should be timid. When the words we want to say are damaging, we should be more apprehensive to say them.

When you shout to masses on social media that you are tired of being pregnant and you wish this baby would come out already, you are trampling all over any woman who has ever had a miscarriage. You may not ever even think about it, but I bet their angel baby was the first thing they thought of when they read your status. It probably even made them tear up a little thinking about how bad they wished they could have made it to that point. It might have even made them angry that you aren't more appreciative of the fact that you are blessed with a healthy, uneventful pregnancy. I'm sure the women that I see updating us on their uncomfortable state of pregnancy never meant to upset anyone with their status, but that doesn't change the fact that they did.

When you tell the parents of a child with cancer that the hospital is all she's ever known, you might as well be telling them that their child's life is being wasted. They know better. They know that their little girl knows love, she knows fun, she knows vacations, she knows laughter. You may not know it, but she knows so much more than the fear, pain, and uncertainty surrounding her diagnosis. I'm sure the lady who was pitying this little girl and her parents only meant well by saying those things, but that doesn't change the fact that her statement did nothing but annoy and maybe even anger that sweet girl's parents.

The words you say are heavier in someone's ears as they were coming out of your mouth. People are flippant with words. I'm the world's worst to say something that I don't think matters when in reality my words are hitting someone like a ton of bricks. I told a friend the other day that I had a dream that 'she went and got all skinny on me.' I thought nothing of the words when I said them, but they hurt her. What she heard was "Thank God you're still fat", but that was nowhere near my intentions. I let those words fly right out of my mouth as light as a feather without ever realizing their weight until I heard her cry when she finally decided to explain how bad I had hurt her.

When I told a friend that I was having a baby and went on and on about how easy it was for us to get pregnant, I had no idea that I was practically ripping her heart out. I had no idea that she had tried for years to get pregnant and been through multiple fertility treatments. I never even thought twice about it, but she was well aware of her infertility the entire time I was telling her how easy it was for me to get pregnant. Only when she finally became pregnant did she tell me why it was so difficult for her to be happy for me when I told her about my pregnancy. I was just excited about my news and I wanted to share it with a friend, but that doesn't change how my attitude about my news made her feel.

When you've said it, you can't un-say it. You can apologize, but those you've hurt still remember what you've said. They may forgive you, but it's too hard to forget. While your relationship with that person may continue past hurt feelings, he or she will always have those words in the back of their mind. The outcome is even worse on social media. You seldom to never see your 'friends' or 'followers', so the majority of their opinion of you is formed from their interaction with you via social media. It takes one, just one, post to compel people to delete you. I know because I wrote a status update on Facebook about a year ago along the lines of this blogpost, and I lost 'friends' over it.

Not everyone cares about your opinion. Actually, most people who haven't asked for it don't care about what you think. However, if you believe in what you're going to say with all of your heart, by all means you get your opinion out there. I mean, hello! I'm writing a blog. Of course I think you should share your thoughts with anyone that will listen, but I just think that we should concentrate on sharing constructive ideas and opinions.

I'm all for free speech, but can we please just think before we speak sometimes? I'm not naive enough to think that we can always think about everyone's feelings. I just think it would make for a happier world of we thought about the weight of our words before we speak. I try to teach my students to think about their words; if what they want to say isn't thoughtful, kind, and necessary, I tell them that it's be better not to say it. I admit my efforts are often futile, but I try. I'm also trying make an effort to be more thoughtful in the words I speak because I never know how they'll affect someone. 

While this may fall on lots of deaf ears and many people that I share this with probably won't take the time of day to read it, I hope that it may reach just one person who will join me. Before you click post, read your words from someone else's perspective. Before you open your mouth, really think about what you're going to say.

Thank you so much for reading. Please share your opinions and comments with me! 

Why you should start putting butter in your coffee.

It sounds crazy right? Butter. In your coffee. I'm not making it up though. It's a thing, and it's a pretty good thing, too.

I was exploring Pinterest, like I do on a day to day basis, and a pin about buttered coffee caught my eye. Maybe it was the word 'butter'. Maybe it was the word 'coffee'. I have a love affair with both, so either way it got my attention.

My initial reaction was one of disgust. I mean, coffee and butter. No. Stop it. But, I was interested. I investigated further and realized there were plenty of people who put butter in their coffee. Plenty of health conscious fitness freaks. There is whole brand behind it actually. The Bulletproof brand, created by Dave Asprey, is centered around a drink he calls Bulletproof Coffee. Most of the people that had chronicled their buttered coffee journeys in blogs were Paleo or on some other form of red meat loving diet. This came as no surprise, you have to have that kind of mindset to chug a cup or two of hot liquid with about two hundred calories of straight fat melted into it. Sounds delish, huh? Stay with me here. It's definitely a little bit difficult to wrap your head around, but it really is good. And surprisingly, it makes you feel good. I've been drinking it every day for the past week, and I'm not stopping anytime soon.

It really needs to be blended. It looks gross if you don't.

There are tons of proposed health benefits from drinking this stuff. I'm not convinced about some of them, but I can attest to the increased energy claim. It really does give you sustained energy and mental sharpness. Think six hour coffee buzz. At first, I was sure it was just the placebo effect, but it proved itself when J decided to wake up at 3:30 a.m. two mornings in a row. I definitely needed a pick-me-up, and that coffee delivered. I felt great all day long, all week long.

It's also supposed to reduce cravings throughout the day. You know how eating a high-fat meal makes you feel full for hours afterward? It's the same concept. I'm not a Biology teacher or a nutritionist, so if you want the science lesson behind it click here. I can, however, confirm that it does nip those cravings in the bud. You really do feel full after drinking it. It is meant to be a meal replacement drink, but I felt so full that I couldn't eat breakfast if I'd wanted to. When break time rolled around, I just stayed in my classroom and kept working. No cravings + extra energy = finished 'to-do' list. I'm a big afternoon snacker, but I didn't even have those cravings when I had my buttered coffee. Miracle coffee? Not in the least, but I'll take these side-effects any day. 

I've read that this coffee is supposed to also teach your body how to burn fat more efficiently, but I can neither confirm or deny this claim. I will say that I have lost five pounds in the past two weeks without any effort on my part. The only thing I have changed is my coffee. But, that means nothing. My weight fluctuates by a few pounds all the time. I'm going to need to see a bigger change to corroborate any weight loss claims.

So now that you know some of the benefits, let's talk about the recipe. This is my recipe. I'm sure I'm not doing this according to anyone else's recipe and it's probably why I am not seeing any weight loss benefits. But, it's how I like it, so yeah. Take that Bulletproof Guy.

Ingredients:

• 2 cups high-quality coffee
• 2 tbsp butter from a grass-fed cow.*
• 1 tbsp MCT oil...I use coconut oil**
• 1 tbsp honey
• A little cinnamon
• A dash of vanilla extract

*The butter must be from a grass-fed cow. This butter has more vitamins and nutrients, and that's part of what causes the sustained energy.

**the MCT/coconut oil is optional. I like it, but G says its gross. To each his own.

*You can buy the actual Bulletproof coffee kit here: Upgradedª Bulletproof Coffee Kit

Waiting on the coffee. Do you see that pink stain on my counter...oops.

Directions:

Brew your coffee normally. I brew mine a little stronger, but do it how you like it. Combine butter, coconut oil, vanilla, honey, and cinnamon in your blender. I use my Magic Bullet for convenience, but I'm sure you could use a blender or stick blender. Pour about two cups of coffee over the other ingredients and blend until it's the color of a latte. Enjoy! 

If you like sugary coffee, this is so not for you. It is only mildly sweet and super-rich, especially if you add in the coconut oil. I suggest that you drink it hot (just because I can't imagine drinking it cold), but I have found a recipe for Iced Buttered Coffee.

Now, go throw some coffee and butter in a blender and try it for yourself. What have you got to lose?

Let me know how you like it!