Your words hurt. You may or may not intend for your words hurt someone, but they do. Everyone you meet on a daily basis is carrying a load. Some people carry a light load. Some people carry more that you can imagine. Depending on the personalities of these people, you may know everything that has ever happened to them or you may know absolutely nothing. Social media allows us to voice our opinion to all of these people at once, but oftentimes that is more of a curse than a blessing. While you're only thinking about your close knit group of friends and maybe a few acquaintances, you're actually sharing your thoughts with hundreds, if not thousands, of people. Most of us would be extremely nervous if we had to actually speak in front of a group. Some of us would probably be unable to speak at all, but we're not as timid when it comes to the written word. Sometimes we should be timid. When the words we want to say are damaging, we should be more apprehensive to say them.
When you shout to masses on social media that you are tired of being pregnant and you wish this baby would come out already, you are trampling all over any woman who has ever had a miscarriage. You may not ever even think about it, but I bet their angel baby was the first thing they thought of when they read your status. It probably even made them tear up a little thinking about how bad they wished they could have made it to that point. It might have even made them angry that you aren't more appreciative of the fact that you are blessed with a healthy, uneventful pregnancy. I'm sure the women that I see updating us on their uncomfortable state of pregnancy never meant to upset anyone with their status, but that doesn't change the fact that they did.
When you tell the parents of a child with cancer that the hospital is all she's ever known, you might as well be telling them that their child's life is being wasted. They know better. They know that their little girl knows love, she knows fun, she knows vacations, she knows laughter. You may not know it, but she knows so much more than the fear, pain, and uncertainty surrounding her diagnosis. I'm sure the lady who was pitying this little girl and her parents only meant well by saying those things, but that doesn't change the fact that her statement did nothing but annoy and maybe even anger that sweet girl's parents.
The words you say are heavier in someone's ears as they were coming out of your mouth. People are flippant with words. I'm the world's worst to say something that I don't think matters when in reality my words are hitting someone like a ton of bricks. I told a friend the other day that I had a dream that 'she went and got all skinny on me.' I thought nothing of the words when I said them, but they hurt her. What she heard was "Thank God you're still fat", but that was nowhere near my intentions. I let those words fly right out of my mouth as light as a feather without ever realizing their weight until I heard her cry when she finally decided to explain how bad I had hurt her.
When I told a friend that I was having a baby and went on and on about how easy it was for us to get pregnant, I had no idea that I was practically ripping her heart out. I had no idea that she had tried for years to get pregnant and been through multiple fertility treatments. I never even thought twice about it, but she was well aware of her infertility the entire time I was telling her how easy it was for me to get pregnant. Only when she finally became pregnant did she tell me why it was so difficult for her to be happy for me when I told her about my pregnancy. I was just excited about my news and I wanted to share it with a friend, but that doesn't change how my attitude about my news made her feel.
When you've said it, you can't un-say it. You can apologize, but those you've hurt still remember what you've said. They may forgive you, but it's too hard to forget. While your relationship with that person may continue past hurt feelings, he or she will always have those words in the back of their mind. The outcome is even worse on social media. You seldom to never see your 'friends' or 'followers', so the majority of their opinion of you is formed from their interaction with you via social media. It takes one, just one, post to compel people to delete you. I know because I wrote a status update on Facebook about a year ago along the lines of this blogpost, and I lost 'friends' over it.
Not everyone cares about your opinion. Actually, most people who haven't asked for it don't care about what you think. However, if you believe in what you're going to say with all of your heart, by all means you get your opinion out there. I mean, hello! I'm writing a blog. Of course I think you should share your thoughts with anyone that will listen, but I just think that we should concentrate on sharing constructive ideas and opinions.
I'm all for free speech, but can we please just think before we speak sometimes? I'm not naive enough to think that we can always think about everyone's feelings. I just think it would make for a happier world of we thought about the weight of our words before we speak. I try to teach my students to think about their words; if what they want to say isn't thoughtful, kind, and necessary, I tell them that it's be better not to say it. I admit my efforts are often futile, but I try. I'm also trying make an effort to be more thoughtful in the words I speak because I never know how they'll affect someone.
While this may fall on lots of deaf ears and many people that I share this with probably won't take the time of day to read it, I hope that it may reach just one person who will join me. Before you click post, read your words from someone else's perspective. Before you open your mouth, really think about what you're going to say.
Thank you so much for reading. Please share your opinions and comments with me!
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