Holding on Loosely

The sun had just risen on a beautiful south Alabama October day. (This means that it was sunny and 85 for all of you who aren't privy to the average temperatures of our odd climate.) I was getting J up and dressed for his first trip to the zoo and pumping him up with tidbits of information on all he'd see. The lions, the tigers, the bears! Oh my! On the drive, J entertained us all with impersonations of dogs and bears and, everyone's favorite, the monkeys. 

As J and his Pa explored the South American bird exhibit, I caught myself trying not to grab him away for fear that he might touch something germ infested. When the birds got old and our group began moving towards bigger and more carnivorous creatures, I felt that ever present urge to pick J up. To protect him, as if I could do anything more than the twelve foot tall wall could. My daddy, who was very good at fostering independence in his children, could sense it. He was constantly telling me, "Just follow him and see where he goes." As I'm standing ankle deep in playground mulch and wrestling a tantruming toddler who has absolutely no intentions of swinging in the baby swing, my daddy gently reminds me to 'let him go.'

Let him go. 

Isn't that the hardest thing a mother can do? When they learn to walk, we hold their little hands as long as they'll allow. When they start practicing their independence and walking by themselves, we use our own bodies as human forcefields to protect them from bumps and scrapes. We don't want to let them go. We know what's going to happen. They are going to fall. They are going to fail.

As a teacher, I wish more mothers would allow their children to learn to fail, but as a mother, I know it's very hard to chose to let your child make their own mistakes. Lessons learned 'the hard way' are oftentimes the lessons that leave the most lasting impression, but it's a difficult thing to watch your child make mistakes that you know are going to hurt them. We are hardwired to push our children towards success. Failure isn't something that we want to see our children encounter, but we're lying to ourselves if we believe that they will never have to feel what it's like to not be good enough. It will be beneficial to our children if we make it a point to let them learn what it feels like to fail and how to handle the emotions that inevitably follow.

As Christians, we have a responsibility to allow our children to experience failure and teach them to turn to Jesus when what they bring to the table just isn't enough. Children need to know that what they are will never be enough without The One who makes them whole, and isn't that our one most important role as their parent? As my new bible study leader said, "We continually struggle with letting them go, but they're not even really ours to begin with." Our most important responsibility as a parent is to raise our children up in a way that is glorifying to God. Teaching your children to fall at His feet when it seems like their world is falling apart is a great place to start. 

If I'm telling myself the truth, I have had an internal struggle between holding on and letting go for as long as I've been a mother. I am always debating whether I should hold his hand and protect him or let him go and let him explore. In the short time that I've been a parent, I've come to realize that parenthood is about continually letting go and the emotions that come along with it. Each milestone has been a celebration but it's also been marked with tears. From the big milestones like first steps and first haircuts down to the small things like changes in diaper size, a mother's world is a hodgepodge of bittersweet moments. And I'm constantly reminded that these little milestones are going to gradually be replaced with much bigger, and harder to handle, life events like driving, college, and marriage. These moments are like water slipping through cupped hands...you can try to hold on, but eventually your hands will be empty.

We are in a constant state of holding on loosely and always letting go, but we will never have to worry about what happens when we 'Let Go' as long as we teach them to 'Let God.'

James 1:2-4

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. 

Our society: Christians are bigots and we accept everything but God.

Reading the news (loosely used) posts
on social media can easily leave you despondent and sad these days. Even when you see posts that should make you happy, like people lifting up Christianity, all you have to do is scroll through the comments for a little while to lose your short lived smile. Case in point, a picture of a GOP Presidential candidate holding up a sign that says 'I am a Christian' quickly got him labeled a 'bigot.' I went from optimistic to tearful in about two seconds flat.

How is he a bigot? Because he's a Christian? Because he has conservative and yes, Christian, views? Do we really live in a world where we aren't allowed to have our own religious views without being labeled? Bigotry is the act of being intolerant of the views of others...not the single act of having an opposing view. Since we're throwing words around, I've got one, too: hypocrite. Hypocrisy is the act of having moral standards or beliefs to which one own's behavior does not conform, and I am sure that calling someone a bigot for simply holding a different view than yours is a prime example of hypocrisy. Simply being a Christian cannot make a person a bigot.

So why the labels? The biggest reason, in my opinion, is that society has a skewed view of Christianity. I think, for the most part, the most vocal non-Christians believe that Christians are arrogant, holier-that-though, bigots. Part of this is human nature. We as humans are naturally sinners and we're worldly, prideful creatures. Non-Christians hear that they are sinners and incapable of ever being 'good enough' and immediately they rebel. The fact so many of the non-Christians with this clouded, negative view of Christianity are very open and vocal with their opinions only compounds the negative impact that they can have on our witness to the world. 

Another (harder to talk about) reason that the world's view of Christians is clouded is that we as Christians have done a poor job of being the body of Christ. We've been complacent, for the most part, and the world has risen up to meet us. Many people are pushed away from Christianity by Christians, the very people that are supposed to be leading others to Christ. For example, I read about how Justin Bieber has discovered Jesus Christ and wants to model his life after Him. As a high school teacher, I see students every day who are trying to model themselves after celebrities,  and I was ecstatic to see one of those celebrities admitting that he needs Jesus and wants to live his life for Him...and then I read the comments. There were so many Christians who were saying things like, "I'll believe it when I see it" or "all he knows is the liberal, love-everything-and-everybody version of Christ." Is that really our job as Christians? To question every new believer's authenticity? I'm sure it's not, and we need to do a better job of being the body of Christ and nurturing new Christians. 

I recently spent some time reading and praying over a few verses in Ephesians explaining how a follower of Christ should live. I was surprised and humbled by many of the guidelines. As many of my readers know, I asked Jesus to come into my heart when I was very young. I lived as a 'Christian' for fifteen years before I realized that I was completely wrong about what it meant to really be a Christian and what it really looks like to live as a Christian. Christianity is not about being perfect, it's about recognizing that you will never be perfect and that you are in desperate need of God's Saving Grace. I think that Christians, as a whole, are doing a poor job of displaying the humility that it takes to carry yourself as a recognized sinner every day. 

What I think this (increasingly non-Christian) society needs to understand is that just because we love someone doesn't mean that we have to accept their sins...and that accepting their sins as 'the way they are' is definitely not loving them. Especially if you are a follower of Jesus Christ. Christ has a love for us that surpasses all knowledge, but he will still deny us in front of The Father if we do not accept Him into our hearts as our personal Lord and Savior. This sets an example for us, I think. We are told to love our neighbors as more important than ourselves, but that means we are to love them enough and so much that we don't sit by and unconcernedly watch them sinning.

And don't even get me started on the 'Christians' who openly condone sinning in the name of 'acceptance.' You can't watch a talk show without seeing sin being openly celebrated and excused by celebrities saying, "If that's what makes him happy, who am I to stand in his way?" Really? Don't you think you are opening yourself up for interpretation there? There are a lot of things that make a lot of people happy that are not okay even by this society's low moral standards. Some people are sexually attracted to animals, so "who are we to stand in his way" if someone wants to marry his shih tzu? Do you see what kind of terrible turns that road can lead you down? Regardless of your religion, society CANNOT keep this up; we have to draw a line somewhere.We need to stop sinning by silence and hiding behind 'don't judge lest ye be judged.' Those verses explain that you must remove your own sin before helping your neighbor to remove his, not that we should ignore our neighbor's sin completely under the guise of 'acceptance.' We also need to stop using God's Grace as an excuse to keep sinning. Yes, God loves you no matter what and yes, he will forgive you an infinite amount of times, BUT you have to genuinely ask got His forgiveness. Perpetually living in sin and occasionally (and casually) asking God to forgive you for those sins misses the mark completely.

Loving a Man with a Servant's Heart

Your grass needs to be cut. There are weeds threatening to take over your patio. The back splash in the kitchen isn't sticking to the wall properly and your coffee bar has been slightly unfinished for the past six months. Your husband has a list of honey-dos a mile long, and he never seems to get a single thing accomplished around the house.

He isn't lazy. Oh no, he's the antithesis of lazy. He's always busy. He almost never gets a spare minute to himself, let alone to spend with you or the kids.

So, what is he doing with all of his time? He's helping. It's what he does.

Does this sound familiar to you? Well congratulations, sister, you have the privilege of loving a man with a servant's heart. It may not be convenient for anyone in your family, but your husband was blessed with the ability to help those in need. It goes deeper than that though, this man wants to help people. He is at his best when he is doing things for others. God blesses each of us with a gift, and this desire to help happens to be his.

I've gone through many emotions loving and learning to live with this man with a servant's heart. We have fought over unfinished projects and cluttered storage sheds. We've argued about uncut grass and unfixed appliances. I've bickered over ungrateful friends who always lean on him but never return the kindness. I've stewed silently in my own anger over the fact that we had to spend yet another afternoon waiting on daddy to finish doing someone else a favor.

I've been neglected. I've been pushed aside. I've been told that my needs are going to have to wait more times than I like to think about.

But I've also felt pride on a level that I didn't know possible. I've felt love grow bigger than life for unassuming reasons that sometimes make me laugh. I've watched my husband work, and I mean really work, until midnight just to get his lawnmower ready and loaded to go help someone cut grass the next day.
My child and I have been dragged out of bed on Saturdays because my husband has to do something for someone. While we're both sleepy eyed and grumpy, he's just as chipper as a song bird because he thrives on helping people. He's the type of person that will literally give you the shirt off of his back and smile while he's doing it.

He never expects payment or repayment; he usually won't accept if it is offered to him. He doesn't even want it. He is content just to know that he has helped someone in need. Whether it's help with some type of work or help with money, he is just happy to help. He is generous in a way that I find inspiring.

It's sad that I haven't understood that until now. We could have saved ourselves a lot of arguments and hurt feelings had I figured this out earlier.

So why the change of heart? I've spent years concentrating on the parts of my husband that I think need to change. (I think that's a practice that I learned from "How to Ruin your Marriage 101") This desire to help people was close to the top of my list. I just couldn't stand the way that people always took advantage of him. I would always ask him, "would he do the same thing for you?" when G was asked a favor. Regardless of the reply, he would always go do whatever it was that was asked of him. Then one day I realized that the way I was living and thinking wasn't glorifying to God. I prayed that Jesus would come into my heart, my whole heart, that he would look into the darkest, dustiest corners and shine the Light in. After this literal change of heart, I started seeing these selfless acts that my husband was compelled to do as God's Work. He might not have been raised in a bible-thumping, pew-jumping household, but he is more Christ-like than me in so many ways.

He sees a need and he fills it. He shows his love for other human beings by just simply doing what God has called him to do with the abilities that God blessed him with. I always talk about how Christians should do a better job of "walking the walk," but I was overlooking one of the best examples of showing Christ's love through actions that I have ever known. He lives in my house with me and I have the blessing of having him as my partner in raising children.

So, we may spend many afternoons waiting on daddy to get finished doing yet another favor. We may have to walk by our unfinished coffee bar ten times a day while G is out working, but it's okay. I'm happy to do it. I wouldn't dare change a thing.

Philippians 2:3-5
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus...

Lord Let Them See You In Me

The last bell had just rung. My students filed out of my room for the last time that day leaving broken pencils and balled up scratch paper in their wake. A familiar thought pushed its way to the forefront of my mind.

What kind of homes do these kids come from?!

I rolled my eyes at their lack of respect and immediately followed behind them to clean everything up. I wouldn't want my morning class to come in to a messy classroom, of course. I am careful to sweep the floor well, not missing any bits of chewed eraser or spiral notebook paper leftovers. As I made it around to the assignments tray, I see that my 

students couldn't even manage to stack their handouts neatly when they turned them back in. Tisk, tisk! And there's that thought again.

What kind of homes do these kids come from?! 

I straightened my papers and started walking back to my desk when I noticed an impolite drawing on a student's desk. I sighed my most irritated sigh and grabbed a Clorox wipe to begin yet another of my duties that isn't exactly written in my job description. As I scrubbed with as much elbow grease as I could muster, that thought snuck back into my mind.

What kind of homes do these kids come from?!

When my room was back into some semblance of order, I sat down at my desk to finish up some last minute chores before I got to go home and love on my own sweet child. Because I'd never share the lives of my students on such a public stage, I will not tell you exactly what happened next, but I will say that God spoke directly to me in a way that still brings tears to my eyes. 

He answered that little question 'What kind of homes do these kids come from?!' And He asked me one of his own, 'What are you going to do to help them?' 

I humbly bowed my head and prayed. 

Dear Lord,

Let them see You in me. Give me the words, invade my thoughts, allow me to show Your love through my actions.

In Jesus' precious and Holy name I pray,

Amen.

As I tidied up my desk to go home for the day, I felt a brand new determination take over my mind. These kids may not all be future engineers or physicists, but they do all have a future and it's my job to guide it. If I have to pick up a few pieces of trash or clean a few inappropriate pictures of my desks in the process, I'll be happy to do it. 

Matthew 5:14-16

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. …

You're right, teaching isn't a real job...

I get it. It's summertime and all you're seeing on Facebook or Instagram are teachers taking their families to the lake or the beach for days at a time in the middle of the week. You're seeing teachers in their shorts and flip flops going out to lunch with friends. You're seeing all of the teachers that you know walk around with suntans from spending so much time not working. You can't help but think, "I should have been a teacher. They get paid all summer and they don't even have to work. I bet she doesn't even know what it's like to have a real job." I know you're thinking it. Some people even say it. And you know what? You're right. Teaching isn't a 'real' job.

It would be a grosse understatement to call what teachers do every day a 'job.' What we do is so much more than a job.

It's so much more than a career. 

Teaching is a calling. It's a gift. 

There is no way to 'turn it off.' Don't believe me? Spend a few minutes in the company of a couple of teachers; our conversations will turn to bulletin boards and interactive notebooks so fast that your head will spin. While our family and friends think we're relaxing on the beach we're really surreptitiously pinning ideas for Word Walls and Agenda Boards. We work weeks into the summer, and we mentally and physically start back to work weeks before we're actually required to do so. 

We spend hundreds of our own hard earned dollars to get our classrooms ready for the next school year. And, contrary to popular belief, getting paid through summer and getting paid for summer are two totally different things. We're only paid for the days that we're required to be at school, so all of those hours spent working on our classrooms and reworking the curriculum during the summer are unpaid hours. You won't find many 'real jobs' where employees willingly work without compensation. 

We spend late summer nights painting foam board for our new Word Wall idea. 

We use our 'free time' to film video lessons for our new flipped classroom. 

We stay up late at night trying to think of new and inventive ways to get students to engage with vocabulary. 

We spend hours in prayer for the students we had last school year and the students we will have next school year. 

And, yes, we do use plenty of days in the middle of all this work to relax with family and friends at the beach. We do take the opportunity to go out to lunch with friends. We do get that suntan when it's finally possible. And do you know why? 

Because we deserve it. 

There I said it. We deserve it. 

I'm not going to take the high road and selflessly proclaim how we teachers love nothing more than to spend our days fueling little fires of knowledge. 

I'm going to tell you that teaching is hard. 

I'm going to tell you that many of us couldn't possibly handle it, physically, emotionally, or mentally, without our 'summers off.' 

I'm going to tell you that most people wouldn't do it for a week before they'd throw in the towel and beg to have their 'real job' back. 

So, go ahead and tell me that teaching isn't a real job. I'll agree with you 100%. 

Teaching isn't a real job.

It's so much more.

1 Peter 4:10

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms.

The poorly equipped disciple

I never thought this blog would end up receiving the number of readers that it has, and I am incredibly grateful and humbled each time I check my blog traffic. I'm a math teacher, not a writer, but you guys are able to look past my lackluster composition and read my messages anyway. When I started this blog I really just wanted to see what all the fuss was about, but as I continued to post I started realizing the ways I could use it as a tool of discipleship. As many of my readers probably know, I recently rededicated myself and my life to the glory of God. If you look at my blog posts in chronological order, you can actually see me grow as a writer and a Christian. 

At first I thought that praying for my blog was a silly, selfish thing to do, but gradually I began to pray over my words as I wrote them. I started to understand that there is nothing that you shouldn't lay at Jesus' feet in prayer, so I started praying wholeheartedly for guidance, assurance, and direction. For my posts to be filled with the Holy Spirit. For my words to bring glory to God. And for my message to reach people who otherwise may not ever hear the gospel. I have so much growing left to do, but I'm excited about how far this blog has already come. 

I do get discouraged though. The other day I started thinking about what a poorly equipped disciple I truly am. I don't go to church like a should. I'm not in church every time the doors open. I'm not even in church every Sunday morning. I only have an average knowledge of the Bible, and I can't pray aloud without getting tongue tied or drawing a blank and going silent. If I were to debate with an atheist who knows more about the Gospel than me, would I be able to stand my ground? If I were to ask someone whether they knew Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and they replied with a 'no, will you pray with me?', would I be able to get the prayer out? 

I don't know.

What I do know is that these seventy-two of Jesus's disciples were sent out "like lambs among wolves." That sounds hopeless, right? Think about it, a lamb up against a wolf. So these disciples were also poorly equipped. But, they went out anyway and you know what? They came back with joy! They were joyful when they came back explaining that even the demons submit in Jesus's name. Whenever I think about how much more I need to mature as a Christian, I think about this verse:

Luke 10:3

Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves.

And I know that as I will be joyful as long as I am working in Jesus's name. 

I do understand that I still need to take steps to better equip myself as a disciple, so I am setting goals to keep maturing as a Christian. I want to read the Bible in its entirety. I want to begin attending a discipleship training class regularly. I want to surround myself with like-minded Christians who will help me to mature. There are plenty more, but I'd hate to bore you with the laundry list of ways that I need to better myself.

If you read this blog, will you also pray for it? Will you pray for me as I embark on this long path of growth?

How equipped do you feel when you are presented with opportunities to be a witness for Christ? What are your goals to keeping growing as a Christian?

Are we in the fire?

I'm a firm believer that many times when we think Satan has his hands on some bad situation that is happening around us that it's actually God testing our resolve. There's an analogy that my aunt taught me when I was young that compares God to a Silversmith. I won't go into detail but the gist is this: Sometimes God puts you in the fire to make you shine brighter. I know I don't have to bring up any current events that might be testing Christians all over this country, and I'm not writing this to start a debate. I just want to ask you, are we in the fire? Are we being tested? Is God holding us in the fire to see how bright we can shine for him? 

He's a little encouragement for you: a Silversmith holds the silver in the fire long enough to bring out the shine and no longer...and he never takes his eyes off of it, not even for a moment. 

Shine bright!

Zechariah 13:9

This third I will put into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, 'They are my people,' and they will say, 'The Lord is our God. ' ”